Let us now stop to appreciate comedian Doogie Horner. You don't recognize the name? Are you sure? Because I bet you've laughed at him. Or with him, maybe. Because he is a funny guy AND he makes flowcharts, which for our purposes makes him near god-like.

He also runs the Ministry of Secret Jokes, which is no laughing matter. Seriously, they'll stab you in the eye. For fun.

I'd seen his stuff before, but a friend sent me his chart mapping out the types of Heavy Metal Band Names and I realized I better do a feature on him. All of these excellent flowcharts appeared on the Comic vs. Audience website.


Are they all actually metal bands? Well, no. This is one way in which humor is created. Watch carefully boys and girls. Doogie instructs by example. Did you maybe want to be a comic when you grew up? Luckily, there's a chart to help with that. (Are you easily offended? Um. Maybe you should stop reading here.)


But wait! There's more. Just because something isn't funny doesn't mean you can't tell jokes about it. That would be wasting an opportunity for schadenfreude.

PrintAnd last, but certainly not least likely to upset people who don't like to hear foul language or think about the making of the love, we've got my favorite. Things to Say During Sex is a helpful guide on how to articulate your passion. If you're a comedian. Try them all! Let us know how it works out for you! (Not responsible for actual results).

things during sex

Doogie Horner made all these flowcharts back in 2008. Since then, he's obviously been busy doing other things. Like stabbing people in the eye. Maybe if we all ask real nice he'll make a new flowchart for us to post here? or at Comic vs. Audience? You can find contact info for him over at the Ministry.